I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that I have friends. I feel so alone. So distant from the outside world. I feel like I'm in some kind of limbo between stages of life. I'm not single and I'm not a mom.
It is really really hard sometimes. Today, Nick is having his loyal guys over. I tried to invite my best friends over and they are out of town. I never know what is going on with them. It makes me feel worthless.
I struggle on and off with depression and anxiety. I'm sensitive and life doesn't care. Little things like friends not being able to hang out, late night trips to a crowded store, and being home all day alone may not seem like much to other people. Life happens, right? Not for me. Things like this make my heart race. I can't breath. I feel small and useless.
It's a struggle.
Then I remember what stage of life I am in. It feels awkward because those around me are either in the mother stage or the unmarried stage. Well, me? I'm in the married without kids stage.
I have a best friend who wants to hang out with me every day. He makes those grocery trips less scary. He makes staying home all day worth it when he comes home to me.
Although I don't know many people in my stage of life, I have one person who is always in the same boat.
Someone who always loves me.
And I'm happy to be in the same stage as him.
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